The Hideout

welome, rad mortals,

welcome…welcome…to the hideout.

a piece of my writing is below and it’s pretty lame and stupid but i poured my feelings into writing this so…i hope y’all maybe like it. i know its cringy– but well, here you go.

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The hideout’s empty. I know it as soon as I climb my way through the ladder and sit on the sage-green cushions, letting out a heavy sigh. Of course, it would be empty without her, I think. Without her, it’s lifeless. I plug my earphones to block out the noise of the real world. It doesn’t help a lot but it’s enough for me to forget about her. I light the candles resting on my desk and smell the Lavender scent. Her favorite, I grin from ear to ear. I open Spotify and play my favored playlist. After a jiffy, I become so mesmerized by listening to the songs that I don’t even realize I am crying. We created this playlist together. Teardrops fall onto the keyboard of my laptop. It’s sitting next to the Lavender scented candle. The aura around me is so soothing, causing me to put the playlist on pause and listen to the world. I can hear nothing for a while but still listen with patience because when there’s no sound, there’s the real sound. I hear everything– every creature that can’t make any sound. It’s a peculiar but special moment that only those who experience it know what it really is.

I want to listen more but then I think about what I came here to do and my mind drifts off to my laptop screen. The sudden glint from the blue light of the screen as I open the lid makes me wince. I know I have to do this for her. I open Google Docs and stare at the blank screen– for perhaps an hour. I’m crying again– because I can’t figure out what to write. But I have to write. That’s what she taught me. To write. I have to share our story with the world… for her. I wipe my tears with my right hand’s sleeve of my purple cardigan. It gets wet by the time my eyes are dry. Now even if I try, tears won’t come. I breathe in and breathe out. It’s okay…you have to do this, I mumble to myself. Before coming here, I knew I had to learn to give up on beating myself up about why I didn’t do it at the right time and I did. There’s never a Just In Case. Any moment is the right moment. Do it now or never. She’s gone. Forever. I will continue doing what she used to, I decide. Then I start typing.

I type and type– for as long as I can remember. I ignore the typos and my vocabulary because writing is not about your vocabulary, it’s about how you write with the vocabulary you know. I knew this day was bound to come but I was just afraid that I wouldn’t do great. I smile at everything I have done without her. I have managed to survive till now ignoring all the things– no, everything– that remind me of her, and I will continue to do so. I will live for her. I am blinking back tears now. I can’t cry any more now. I check how much I have written in 3 hours. The word count says I’ve written 4928 words. I can’t believe it. She would be so happy if she were here, I believe. I have never written this much. Nobody knows how much of an accomplishment this is. So, to let the world know, I get up and scream at the top of my lungs. I DID IT, FOLKS. I DID IT!!! Y’ALL KNOW ZS? I DID IT FOR HER!, I smirk, proud of myself and also because I remembered to say her initials. I’m only supposed to call her name through initials now. That’s a rule and I have sworn to follow it till death. I can’t break it because…there are eyes and ears everywhere. They’ll ruin me if I do so.